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<title>Mai on Zutara by The Rambling Mai (Loopy)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253654">Mai on Zutara</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopy/pseuds/The%20Rambling%20Mai'>The Rambling Mai (Loopy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mai's Ramblings [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, No Bashing, Parody, Zero Punctuation - Freeform, and making up what she doesn't know, and sometimes lying just for her amusement, just mai interpreting everything in the worst possible light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:01:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopy/pseuds/The%20Rambling%20Mai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mai's secret thoughts on all the Avatar ships- and you know the funny is coming when the driest, most critical personality in the show decides to let it all out! Everything Avatar is analyzed and described in the most ridiculous way possible! A fandom classic!</p>
<p>Today, Mai looks at the most popular ship in the fandom and the least popular ship in her mind: ZUTARA!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katara/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mai's Ramblings [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mai on Zutara</h2></a>
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  <b>Mai on... Zutara?!?</b>
</p>
<p>"...</p>
<p>"Fine.</p>
<p>"There are a lot of ships on Avatar: The Last Airbender that NEVER HAPPENED, but the most infamous of all is the completely imaginary and not at all existent passion between Katara of the Southern Water Tribe and Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation.</p>
<p>"Zuko as we all know was really big on capturing the Avatar and restoring his HONOR and earning the love of his daddy and someday getting the throne NO NOT THAT THRONE so that he could rule the world and there's something in there about making time with his girlfriend BUT NOT MUCH. Before he could fail to give me the attention I deserve he needed to complete the first step and have Aang in his possession for more than FIVE MINUTES. Thus he spent a lot of time chasing the Avatar around the world and as a side effect was also chasing around a little lemur who looks like a KITTY CAT and a giant Air Bison with a hygiene problem and a rather useless HOT young Water Tribe warrior and OH YEAH a Water Tribe Waterbending Water-Maiden named Katara.</p>
<p>"Knowing Zuko it probably took him a couple of encounters to even realize there was a female in the group HERE'S A HINT THEY USUALLY HAVE LONG HAIR AND YES TOPH I SEE YOU THERE but regardless she still didn't become a focus until one incident when she was literally the only member of the group standing in front of him at the time. Even if the we added the KITTY CAT lemur to the unfortunate meeting I bet Zuko's attention would have immediately moved off the Water Girl but it was just the two of them so Zuko grabbed her WATCH THE HANDS by her arms and proceeded to tie her to a tree BUT IT'S OKAY THERE WERE NO SYMBOLIC APPLES IN IT while he interrogated her about the Avatar's whereabouts and goals and what color underwear he favored and all the other things Zuko swears were necessary for hunting the kid down. For a guy who wasn't paying much attention to his actual captive though Zuko was sure standing very close to her and had his hands way too close to places his hands had no place being and honestly the whole situation is very uncomfortable and I can see where the Water Chick may have gotten the completely wrong idea but you have to understand that Zuko just isn't like that with girls he likes REALLY because he's a shy klutz who's bad at everything that comes before the kissing AND WE SHOULD MOVE ON NOW.</p>
<p>"Zuko and Katara didn't lay eyes on each other again until they were both at the North Pole and Zuko was trying to kidnap the Avatar while he was taking a nap or something and Katara was trying to stop that very same thing from happening. I notice that again they were the only two conscious people around so Zuko had no choice but to look and talk and OH YEAH fight with the Waterbender for a little while. Katara really wiped the floor with him but it was at night and the moon was full or almost full or something so she really had a major advantage OR SO ZUKO KEEPS REMINDING US and she froze him all up in a big wall of ice and won the fight. I wonder if the Water Thrower can feel vibrations and stuff through ice and water like the little blind Earthbender can GRR BUT MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE ON NOW. As soon as the sun rose Zuko melted his way back on his feet and demonstrated the level of attraction he had for Katara by throwing her headfirst into a wooden pole GEEZ THAT WAS REAL NICE WATCH THE HEAD NEXT TIME.</p>
<p>"Needless to say Zuko wound up losing the Avatar again BUT I GUESS I SAID IT ANYWAY OOPS and by that time we were all real tired of waiting for him to get it right so Azula came over to take over and after a little while tracked him DOWN and locked him UP. In a completely unrelated incident BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T HANGING OUT Azula captured Katara too and didn't kill her because she could be useful as bait for the Avatar or something even though I don't know how he was supposed to know we had her but for the time being Azula efficiently stuck Katara in the same unsupervised cave as Zuko JUST TO ANNOY ME I'M SURE.</p>
<p>"Again I must remind that there was literally nothing to look at in that cave BUT KATARA so I really can't blame Zuko for letting his eyes roam a little and everything was perfectly harmless I'm sure because he really does know better despite what many would think because he knows I would CUT OFF HIS SKIN WITHOUT KILLING HIM if anything salacious happened so everything must have been okay. They bonded a little about both of them missing their mommies and that's hardly a romantic discussion because the world already has one person who can still get frisky after talking about his mother's death OH SOKKA HOW COULD YOU and more than one person would just be ridiculous even though Katara is that person's sister. Zuko at least gets really bummed about his mother still so whatever was in the Water Witch's mind when she was running her hands over his face is unimportant because Zuko thought she was just giving him a medical examination and trust me if you knew about how Azula used to play 'Doctor' when we were little SHE LIKED SCALPELS AND TONGUE DEPRESSORS you know that Zuko was really not feeling the love at that moment. And anyway the Avatar immediately showed up right then and there HIS LOVE TRIANGLE SENSES WERE TINGLING and we all know about how CONFUSED Katara was about the kid since she was always lounging in front of him in her underwear and groping him and kissing him in caves- OH SPIRITS I just realized she probably just likes being naughty in caves and doesn't care about which boy she's with. But Zuko joined back up with Azula and then killed the Avatar so it all worked out in the end. For me, I mean.</p>
<p>"A little while later AW INFERNO HOW MUCH TIME DID THEY SPEND TOGETHER Zuko ran away from his daddy again and joined up with the Avatar's group so that he could say he was sorry for killing the Avatar and I really don't know how that works but the Avatar was cool with Zuko killing him and allowed bygones to be bygones. The Waterbender was still a little miffed about it though and told Zuko that if he so much as thought about her and a cave in the same mental bubble she would cut off his skin and then kill him WHAT DO YOU KNOW I WAS SAYING THE SAME THING so it's safe to conclude that he made sure to never spend time with her without someone big and strong around to protect him OOH PICK SOKKA. Zuko's really a nice boy at heart though and feels guilty when people hate him SO HE FEELS GUILTY ALL THE TIME so he gave the Waterbender the man who killed her mother as a present because all he really knew about her was that she liked her mother and hated people who killed her mother and all he knows about presents is that Azula made his birthdays a set of really lousy experiences. She warmed up to him after that because it's the thought that counts no matter how flawed it is and really they were never going to kill Ozai if the group was still busy building character so she helped him complete his character arc by beating up Azula for him and then left him to marry Aang. Any stories floating around about how he died for her out of love are obviously not true because if he died then he couldn't still be around because I think only the Avatar can do that since he's done it three or four times already and I've never seen anyone else give it a successful try. Anyway soon after that fight with Azula I was allowed to come out my concentrated super happy fun in a cage time with Ty Lee so Zuko and I could finally give that whole love-thing a proper go and I KNOW I haven't seen anything suspicious with the Water Whirler since then so we're all doing great.</p>
<p>"I used to waste time talking about worthless emotions. Now I talk about worthless delusions about worthless emotions. I'm moving up in the world."</p>
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